1st paper K.O

It's not a good start for me... there goes my IPC paper.. The paper was easy, i studied all of those before except the second part, essay question, the first question..

Damned.. The paper was really easy and straight forward...i memorise all those before.. i studied those before , i wrote notes about it before.. since i studied and memorise before, it should be easy right? Ya. indeed it is easy but not till i hold up my pen and start to write for the answer. My mind is totally BLANK. I was shock. I can't even write a single word for it. I keep on thinking,(and prayed) trying to flash back about what i studied, but then nothing came to my mind.

tick, tock, tick, tock, time passes by.. i still cannot think of it.. and i actually made mistake about the time. my exam started at 2.03, and it supposed to end at 4.03, but don't know why, it came to my mind that the exam ends at 4.30.

i wonder if i can get even a B- for this.WHat is wrong with me this sem?damned... right after the exam, i went downstairs, chatted with Keong and he said not time to write. If not will get high markss.. sigh...happy for him but those words are like.. adding salt onto your open wound.. then i saw li enn.. I straight away went to her, hugged her, and cried.

Tears just keep flowing down non stop. the last time i had this kind of feelings was during Form 5, when i did badly for my math's trial paper.. it is like a night mare to me. Even when i sleep, i keep on seeing it in my dreams. It's like haunting me. Ya, you might say I exaggerate but this is really how do i feel right now.

I'm so so down, n f**king sad. i just couldn't pretend to be nothing and put a smiling face. just couldn't smile at all. came back home today i straight away go up to my room and never come out since then. don't feel like talking. when im back, Kelvin asked me how's my exam. I didn't reply him till he asked me for a few times. Just now, Angeline came to my room and asked if i got extra toothbrush, i just tell her where, and i didn't talk to her d. till she ask me how' s my exam, i told her the same thing as i told kelvin 'Don't ask d.and don't mention about it again' sorry guys for being rude or harsh, i just couldn't control.. i scared i might break down again..

health is another problem that i need to concern about right now. I start feeling dizzy again. and my eyes, will get swollen every now and then. when my eyes got swollen, it's scary because it is the eye ball that will swell till like it's gonna cover up my retina. and the dizziness i felt when i was in form 5, happens again... guess it's another 'old friend' liao.. when my hyperventilation didn't come to 'visit' me, there are always others who will come.. and somehow, interrupt my life. This few days, i keep on feeling pain on my chest.. and even now, when i'm typing this, my hands were shaking..what the hell is wrong with me?

Tennee Leong, everything's over now.. there's still long way to go.get back to your books and start studying alright?Daddy will be up above to guide you, bless you and protect you. and i guess, he will understand about everything will not be mad at you.

i;m sorry daddy, i disappoint you again...

v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*