I don't know how to express the feeling I felt now
I am so so tired..
after crying for the whole day..
My heart felt so pain, and yet, I just don't know what I can do

I dare not tell my mom
I know she'll scold..but that's not what I'm worrying about
I am so scared that she will once again so so so worry about myself..
Once again being hurt by me..

Daddy,
I have once again disappointed you
I don't know what I can say
I know you must have been very sad

I...
I really feel so helpless now..
can't eat.. can't sleep
and the hardest thing of all..
is to act like nothing in front on them

Went for dinner with mom and cousin bro just now..
I leaned on her..
and tears filled my eyes
I feel like crying again..
the same thnig happens when I'm writing this

I know cry couldn't help or change anything
but I just can't help.. but to cry..
tears filled my eyes automatically every time there's a topic about studies or exams and even results..
The history is happening again..
and now..this is even worse than what i've felt and gone through that time
No more PTPTN loan for me..
How can I survive?
Even I worked part time there..
the salary will not be enough for my rental, bills, and also petrol..

I felt so lonely here..
I wanted to find someone to talked to..
a shoulder to lean on..
or at least someone to listen to me..
to cry out loud..
to scream out loud...

SIGH~~

I wanted to go for a walk so much..
Wanted to go to the beach..
but.. Who can I go with?
I'm all alone..
and yeah..
My mom wouldn't let me out alone at night + drive alone at night..
what's more if where I wanted to go is to the beach?
even more dangerous for a girl to be there alone..

Sigh...

it's like the lyrics from Taylor Swift's Teardrops on my guitar
"I fake a smile so he won't see"
but mine is THEY instead of he..

......


although this is a love song..
but anyhow, hope you guys will enjoy the song la..



or maybe this is a better song??
Westlife + Lee Hom's You raised me up


v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*