I'm Tired

Lately,
I don't know what is happening with me..
I am once again having imsomnia..
I can't sleep well each and every night

I'm tired..
so so tired..
but..

What happened to me?
I seriously don't know..
My emotion is getting unstable again

I am..
once again,
wearing a mask in front of people

I smile and joke in front of people
but when I;m back to my room,
when i'm alone

This feeling came back to me..
I;m really so tired..
I don't want to think

I am not thinking..
but why am I having imsomnia every night?
why I can't really get to rest in my mind?

我真的好累。。。

Je suis fatigué。。。

song for today is 假装(pretend) by Jolin


and the lyrics..

呼吸着一种孤独的味道
Hu xi zhe yi zhong gu du de wei dao
Breathing seems like a taste of loneliness

心跳在你沉默以后慢慢的被淡忘掉
Xin tiao zai ni chen mo yi hou man man de bei dan wang diao
After you turned silence, this heartbeat slowly dilutes and be forgotten

我笑了笑反正你看不到
Wo xiao le xiao fan zheng ni kan bu dao
I smiled and smiled, you would never see it anyway

我要的幸福
Wo yao de xing fu
The happiness that I wanted

遗落在你怀抱
Yi luo zai ni huai bao
Was lost in your embrace

当爱失了焦
Dang ai shi liao jiao
As love loses its passion

那些最初的美好
Na xie zui chu de mei hao
All those happiness from the past

早被你搁在一角
Zao bei ni ge zai yi jiao
You have long tucked them away in a corner

街上拥挤人潮
Jie shang yong ji ren chao
The street is filled with a wave of people

走着看着都是摧眠符号
Zou zhe kan zhe dou shi cui mian fu hao
As I walk along and look around, all I can see are the mesmerizing signs

记忆停不了
Ji yi ting bu liao
The memories are unstoppable

穿过读你的心跳
Chuan guo du ni de xin tiao
I am done feeling your heartbeat

穿过想你的味道
Chuan guo xiang ni de wei dao
I am done missing your existence

我只想不被打扰
Wo zhi xiang bu bei dao rao
I just don't want to be bothered

假装多好我只要
Jia zhuang duo hao wo zhi yao
It's good to pretend, I only want

只想要再拥有一秒
Zhi xiang yao zai yong you yi miao
I only want to once again have you for another second

去相信你的拥抱
Qu xiang xin ni de yong bao
To be able to trust your embrace

一直会让我依靠
Yi zhi hui rang wo yi kao
And always lets me depend on

继续等待 还心甘情愿的不想逃
Ji xu deng dai hai xin gan qing yuan de bu xiang tao
I am willing to continue to wait for you and not to ever run away

当爱失了焦
Dang ai shi liao jiao
As love loses its passion

那些最初的美好
Na xie zui chu de mei hao
All those happiness from the past

早被你搁在一角
Zao bei ni ge zai yi jiao
You have long tucked them away in a corner

街上拥挤人潮
Jie shang yong ji ren chao
The street is filled with a wave of people

走着看着都是摧眠符号
Zou zhe kan zhe dou shi cui mian fu hao
As I walk along and look around, all I can see are the mesmerizing signs

记忆停不了
Ji yi ting bu liao
The memories are unstoppable

穿过读你的心跳
Chuan guo du ni de xin tiao
I am done feeling your heartbeat

穿过想你的味道
Chuan guo xiang ni de wei dao
I am done missing your existence

我只想不被打扰
Wo zhi xiang bu bei dao rao
I just don't want to be bothered

假装多好我只要
Jia zhuang duo hao wo zhi yao
It's good to pretend, I only want

只想要再拥有一秒
Zhi xiang yao zai yong you yi miao
I only want to once again have you for another second

去相信你的拥抱
Qu xiang xin ni de yong bao
To be able to trust your embrace

一直会让我依靠
Yi zhi hui rang wo yi kao
And always lets me depend on

继续等待 还心甘情愿的不想逃
Ji xu deng dai hai xin gan qing yuan de bu xiang tao
I am willing to continue to wait for you and not to ever run away

假装多好依然是
Jia zhuang duo hao yi ran shi
It's good to pretend, yet it is still

依然是暧昧的tone调
Yi ran shi ai mei de tone diao
It is still an ambiguous melody

一个人无理取闹
Yi ge ren wu li qu nao
One person tries to deliberately provoke

两人世界的煎熬
Liang ren shi jie de jian ao
The torment of a world made for two

我被自己困在自己设下的圈套
Wo bei zi ji kun zai zi ji she xia de juan tao
I'm caught in a trap I made myself

像是驼鸟
Xiang shi tuo niao
Just like an ostrich

相信时间是唯一解药
Xiang xin shi jian shi wei yi jie yao
Believing that time is the only medicine

视而不见
Shi er bu jian
I'm blinded

傻到了无可救药
Sha dao le wu ke jiu yao
I'm helplessly foolish

其实早明了
Qi shi zao ming liao
For I long have realized

你的爱已随风飘
Ni de ai ji sui feng piao
That your love has gone with the wind

想要找 再也找不到
Xiang yao zhao zai ye zhao bu dao
No matter how much I look for it, I can never find it

假装多好我只要
Jia zhuang duo hao wo zhi yao
It's good to pretend, I only want

只想要再拥有一秒
Zhi xiang yao zai yong you yi miao
I only want to once again have you for another second

去相信你的拥抱
Qu xiang xin ni de yong bao
To be able to trust your embrace

还心甘情愿的不想逃
Hai xin gan qing yuan de bu xiang tao
I am willing to to continue to wait for you and not to ever run away

假装多好依然是
Jia zhuang duo hao yi ran shi
It's good to pretend, yet it is still

依然是暧昧的tone调
Yi ran shi ai mei de tone diao
It is still an ambiguous melody

一个人无理取闹
Yi ge ren wu li qu nao
One person tries to deliberately provoke

两人世界的煎熬
Liang ren shi jie de jian ao
The torment of a world made for two

我被自己困在自己设下的圈套
Wo bei zi ji kun zai zi ji she xia de juan tao
I'm caught in a trap I made myself

假装自己
Jia zhuang zi ji
Pretending that I,

已解开冰冷的手铐
Yi jie kai bing leng de shou kao
Have freed myself from this cold shackle

FYI, the lyrics and translation.. I got it from HERE

v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*

对不起

最近心情都不是很好。。。
昨天总算知道我的appeal的成绩了。。。
haih...没希望了。。
心情真的很差。。
我的眼泪，又突然间掉下了。。
又再次，失控了。。。
我该怎么办呢？
我以为我已经开始面对事实了
可是，我才发现
原来
我真的还没准备去面对。
我真的需要很大的勇气去接受..
我会努力的。。

It's almost 2.30am le..
will go watch FIFA later...
haha..first time that siao with football...
maybe mix with friends and accompany them go watch too much ba..
summore later is ENG vs USA..
sure wan watch la..ENG wor..hahah

just now, someone told me something which I never expected it to happen..
I;m so sorry..
I really never expected this to happen..
I really do not mean to be too straight forward, as I know the truth hurts..
but then I just don't want you to misunderstand and give you false hope..
coz I know..having false hope don't feels great..
it actually hurts even more..
I;m really sorry...

Sometimes, being together as friends, is better than anything else..
Hope that you understand..
Pls allow me to apologize again..
Im sorry...
Hope that everything will turn out great for you...

Hey guys, I've changed the layout of my blog..how's it??
hmmm...it took me lots of times to get back my nuffnang here..but then I think it ran out of the suppose-to-be layout..hehe

going off soon le...the song for today is from Kelly Chen's
对不起，不是你。。


the lyrics in chinese..
大概真的不夠喜歡你　才任你　坐上客機
若我真的不要放走你　誰又怕　去擋飛機
但我真的想過嫁給你　才沒有　逐吋愛起
肯假裝　總會騙倒你　無奈我　自覺卑鄙

＊曾懷疑共你　很努力地
　扮談情　便有轉機
　然而時候到　該禮貌地
　放手　再拒絕你＊

誰當是玩遊戲　為你花過力氣
很可惜　最多似　好知己
我試過　在暗中　配合你
我試過　學放鬆　接受你
小火花　擦出了　燒不起
我愛你　未夠深　對不起

是我真的不夠喜歡你　純被愛　未免太悲
他應該　使我有心跳　陪住你　沒有驚喜

REPEAT＊

誰當是玩遊戲　為你花過力氣
很可惜　最多似　好知己
我退後　未夠早　對不起
我顧慮　亦太多　對不起
小火花　擦出了　燒不起
我對你　未夠狠　對不起

and the translation in english..

I’m Sorry, It’s Not You
Sung by Kelly Chen

Perhaps I don’t love you enough
To allow you to get aboard your flight
If I really didn’t need to let you go
Why would one be afraid to get in the way of the plane?
I had really thought about marrying you
That’s why I didn’t progress my loving
If I was willing to pretend
That would be enough to fool you
Helplessly I find that very despicable

I had once doubt how hard we had to try to be in love
There may have been a way to salvage this
But the time has arrived
I should politely let go and reject you once again

Who thinks of this as playing games?
I have put in effort for you
But unfortunately we are like good friends
I tried to surreptitiously complement you
I tried to lighten up and accept you
Small sparks arise but doesn’t burn
I love you
But not deep enough
Sorry

It is me that don’t love you enough
It’s rather sad just to be loved
He should make my heart beat
There is no surprise when I’m with you
I had once doubt how hard we had to try to be in love
There may have been a way to salvage this
But the time has arrived
I should politely let go and reject you once again
Who thinks of this as playing games?
I have put in effort for you
But unfortunately we are like good friends
I didn’t retreat early enough
I’m sorry
I consider too much
I’m sorry
Small sparks arises but doesn’t burn
I am not cruel enough to you
Sorry

source: chinese lyrics from chlyrics.net

and english translation from asian fanatics
v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*

Lost of hope

Back in Kampar for almost 3 weeks le..
Thought that I had finally accepted the fact..
but then..sigh... so sad..
when my lecturer told me about my appeal result yesterday,
I couldn't help but tears flow down..
Didn't have good sleeps again this few days..sigh..

Went to class as usual just now..
and met Ugen..
Thanks Ugen for accompanying to my car and the advices you gave me
You were right, but then, I just need time...
Thanks again..

Oh yea.. on July 28 2010,
Mass Comm Society will be having a Dark Heaven Night and
we are in the process of getting Kah Jun to come perform here..
For those who is not familiar with him and wonder who's Kah Jun, here's a video of him from his latest 2010 EP

here you are, one of my fav in his album

三个字

But we are still lack of budgets and sponsors..
anyone know where can we get cash sponsors for the artistes??heheh

v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*

It's been a few days since I came back to Kampar
This sem is not easy..aihh
today went out with Dada, Jess and Bernice..

had fun and chatted a lot..
It's been a long time since we last hang out together..
We chatted a lot of things

hmmm..
He had suddenly disappear for the whole day..
Was worried about him..msged him but he didn't reply..
Thought what happened..
but luckily you're alright

I start to wonder..
Why do I care?
Why do I worry about you?
I myself don't know why...

sigh...kind of emo now actually..
today had a nap and wake up with not very good mood..
don't know why..
Belinda they tried to ask if I were ok..
but I;ve always tried to avoid their questions..

song for today is Sam Lee's 原谅我没有说
Fell in love with this song the first time I heard it..



li bie hou qiu tian gan zou xia tian
kan zhe yu dian leng leng di zhui luo lu mian
gei die sui de xin yuan
shou ci yue hui de can ting yi xie ye
bei yi qi zai zhen kong de shi jie
zhong yu xiang ai yi bi fen kai yao yuan
na mian bo li xiang chao shi de lian

yuan liang wo mei you shuo
zui ai ni de shi wo
yu qu yu qiu you ba wen rou dang fu he
yuan liang wo mei you shuo
wo gei ni de bing bu duo
yong you guo que mei you ba wo

yu ting le jie jin tou ming de lan tian
xiang cong lai mei you na me yi ye
zhong yu xiang ai yi bi fen kai yao yuan
zhong yu zai jian bian cheng le huang yan

yuan liang wo mei you shuo
zui ai ni de shi wo
yu qu yu qiu you ba wen rou dang fu he
yuan liang wo mei you shuo
wo gei ni de bing bu duo
yong you guo que mei you ba wo

yong jue jiang lai bao guo cui ruo
yong zi you lai deng tong bu ji mo
wo nan guo cai xiao de
ni shuo de bu nan guo
shi qiang xing fang shou
qiang xing zheng tuo

yuan liang wo mei you shuo
zui ai ni de shi wo
yu qu yu qiu you ba wen rou dang fu he
yuan liang wo mei you shuo
wo gei ni de bing bu duo
yong you guo yi wei mei shen me

shou ci yue hui de can ting yi xie ye
bei yi qi zai zhen kong de shi jie
zhong yu xiang ai yi bi fen kai yao yuan
na mian bo li xiang chao shi de lian

v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*

Y2S2

Im finally back in Kampar...
New sem starts d...
but will only attend my first class tomorrow..
sigh..lots of things need to be done

lots of things need to catch up..sigh..
I'm finally back in this place...
I need more courage to face my fear...

I need to stay strong...
today is a very tiring day..sigh..
guess i got to sleep now..
update again tomorrow la..

v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*

I will survive

Slept at almost 6am today..and woke up at 10am..
My quote for today is A Brand new day with a Brand New Start
but deep down inside..
I asked myself..
Can I really do it?

I still wake up and hope that everything was just a dream
Though I finally can joke and laugh with my family
but when I'm all alone,
It starts to remind me of a lot of things

I was really tired yesterday..
but I just can't sleep
I have cried till no more tears flowing out from my eyes
and my eyes were so pain and tired..

and yeah..
I have received a lot of messages telling me to move on and to cheer me up..
Special thanks to Chen Yin who tagged me in a video
Thanks alot..appreciated it alot..
thanks for spending time with me despite your busy schedule..
You're the best.!!!

Despite all the wishes and supports from my beloved friends,
I am sure that there will be people who think that "What's the big deal with result? It's not like the end of the world or any other disaster"
Yea..I do agree with this..
I know that it is actually not a big matter
but I can tell u, even I myself, were shocked with the way I reacted..

Frankly speaking,
even with the jokes and laughters and fun I had with my family,
I am still very sad of it.
I have once again burdened my family..

爸
你因该都知道我的成绩了吧
我知道你一定会跟我讲不要放弃
我知道你一定会支持我
我知道你不会怪我

可是
我真的好恨我自己
我都做不到我曾经答应过你的事
我一次又一次的让妈妈伤心和担心
我真的很对不起你们

爸
我不会放弃的
我需要时间跟勇气去面对所有的一切
我

一定可以做得到

2 hours more I will be departing to Genting with my mom le
Will be back on MOnday then will be going back to Kampar on Tues.
Sigh..
I hate this feeling
I need to have even more courage to face the truth especially when I'm back in Kampar

but anyhow,
I WILL SURVIVE

Lastly,
Hope that you will also be ok.. don't be emo already yea..hehe..
Like what you said, you want to see smile de Tennee
I also want to see smile de you...
Though I don't know what happened to you,
but just wish you everything ok la.. ;p

here...the song for today..

I will survive..


v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*

I don't know how to express the feeling I felt now
I am so so tired..
after crying for the whole day..
My heart felt so pain, and yet, I just don't know what I can do

I dare not tell my mom
I know she'll scold..but that's not what I'm worrying about
I am so scared that she will once again so so so worry about myself..
Once again being hurt by me..

Daddy,
I have once again disappointed you
I don't know what I can say
I know you must have been very sad

I...
I really feel so helpless now..
can't eat.. can't sleep
and the hardest thing of all..
is to act like nothing in front on them

Went for dinner with mom and cousin bro just now..
I leaned on her..
and tears filled my eyes
I feel like crying again..
the same thnig happens when I'm writing this

I know cry couldn't help or change anything
but I just can't help.. but to cry..
tears filled my eyes automatically every time there's a topic about studies or exams and even results..
The history is happening again..
and now..this is even worse than what i've felt and gone through that time
No more PTPTN loan for me..
How can I survive?
Even I worked part time there..
the salary will not be enough for my rental, bills, and also petrol..

I felt so lonely here..
I wanted to find someone to talked to..
a shoulder to lean on..
or at least someone to listen to me..
to cry out loud..
to scream out loud...

SIGH~~

I wanted to go for a walk so much..
Wanted to go to the beach..
but.. Who can I go with?
I'm all alone..
and yeah..
My mom wouldn't let me out alone at night + drive alone at night..
what's more if where I wanted to go is to the beach?
even more dangerous for a girl to be there alone..

Sigh...

it's like the lyrics from Taylor Swift's Teardrops on my guitar
"I fake a smile so he won't see"
but mine is THEY instead of he..

......


although this is a love song..
but anyhow, hope you guys will enjoy the song la..



or maybe this is a better song??
Westlife + Lee Hom's You raised me up


v(^_^)v
~luv & hugs~muakss
*¦Têññêê a.k.a.*¦¢µ±!e_Gîr£¦* a.k.a §ümlvlèr ¦*